So....It's 3:20 a.m. and though I should be sleeping (since I feel like God knows what from who knows where), I can't even muster up a ten second BLINK. *E* starts at a new school tomorrow and my mind is runnin' faster than a hamster on crack. Everytime I close my eyes I have this...like..like...mommy schizophrenia....a million mommy voices nagging me all at once. Is she gonna like it? Will the other kids be kind to her? Will the teachers actually live up to all the hype they spoon fed me and I lovingly and willingly swallowed down? Will they be sensitive to her need to hold her own spoon, talk herself to sleep, and have her diaper changed immediately if she poops during mealtime? Will they include her in music time? In learning time? In water play time?
You see where I'm going here, right? It's a quick trip to crazy town at this rate. You would think my kid went to shool with CHUCKY with some of the insanity (hilarity?) that goes on in my brain sometimes. But you know...I try to play it really cool in front of my other mommy friends...Sometimes I'll be all like "Yeah, *E* is rockin' it out at daycare! She is lovin' it like a fat kid (or mommy, in this case) loves cake!". But what the other cool mommies don't know is that I regularly "pop in" to *E*'s daycare on a weekly basis, and though I tell the teachers it's just to say "hi" and love on her a bit, I'm secretly checking her for bruises, scratches, and watery 'I've just been crying' eyes. Horrible, I know. I KNOW! I totally know that she's fine when she's there because we have been blessed with a particular teacher that took the time to know and love my *E*. But as a mommy, I just can't help it. I wish I could point my finger at Captain Cerebral Palsy (that's the nickname I gave her disability because in a lot of ways, CP has made superheroes out of us both) and say "Youuuuuu!!! You are the one making me act like a crazed lunatic!". But unfortunately, I can not. I have good old XX to thank for that one, and I don't mean soft porn. The fact that I'm a woman...the fact that I'm a mommy....the fact that I'm *E*'s mommy is what has me staring bleary eyed into the popcorn ceiling above me, watching the fleeting thought "I hope they're not crazy enough to try to give her popcorn tomorrow" race through my brain, and cursing the clock as it does a turtle sprint towards 6:30.
*E* starts a new school tomorrow, and mommy will be too far for a "just stopping by to say hi" lie....Damn.....
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