Crap! Crap crap crap CRAP! How the hell did I manage to wake up late today? Oh wait. I remember. I was dreaming about Idris Elba. Very valid reason to wake up late. However, that is also a very valid reason for me to be a rushed, crabby ass fool this morning. Hello! Idris-yousodamnfine-Elba. Done.
But you, small two year old, (who got to sleep a whole TWEEEELLLLVVVVE hours as opposed to my five - one of which was spent trying desperately not to smother the snoring giant next to me), you eat three meals and two snacks DAILY, whereas sometimes thats what I get for the week (foraging for leftover scraps is a mothers specialty). And to top it all off, you WAKE UP model gorgeous!!! WTF??? I can't even begin to tell you what goes into making me even HALF WAY presentable, but I guarantee you that I give those Kardashian girls a run for their money. BIBLE.
SO....two year old....just what do YOU have to be cranky about first thing in the morning? What could be so unbelievably HORRIBLE that you find it absolutely, painstakingly NECESSARY to scream bloody murder at the top of your lungs for 2 minutes straight? (Ok, maybe not two whole minutes - but damn did it feel like it!)
Oh. Your Pull Up is full? And because your momma was the genius of the CENTURY, she bought the ones with a "cool sensor", and your girlie parts have been "cool" for the last TEN of those sleeping twelve hours. They are now FROZEN.
Oh. Well I guess frozen bitties trumps Idris Elba. Sorry kid. Just don't piss on me when I ta-.....
Damn.
It's gonna be a long.ass.day.
Idris take me away.
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