The NEW Dirty Words

"Jeeeemmmm is truly outrageous! Truly truly truly outrageous! Oooooohhh Jem!"

"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R' Us kid! There's a million toys at Toys R' Us that I can play with! From bikes to trains to video games, it's the biggest toy store there is! I don't wanna grow up, cuz maybe if I did, I wouldn't be a Toys R' Us kid!"

"Oh who are the people in your neighborhood? In your neighborhood...in your neighborhood? Oh who are the people in your neighborhood? They're the people that you meet, when you're walkin' down the street, they're the people that you meet...each...daaaaayyyy!"

Remember these songs. They were staples. Staples of our childhood....if you were a child of the 80's. And I am. So...these songs, I claim as mine. They are songs that said hey, it's ok to run down the street at warp speed, with your hair ribbons trailing behind you like dragonflies trying to keep up'. And it's ok to eat allll the Apple Jacks in the cupboard, and drink up alllll the kool-aid, and give your mom the saddest puppy dog face in the world as you beg for the GOOD peanut butter this time. You know which one. Don't act brand new. Goobers. With the peanut butter and jelly IN THE SAME JAR! Yeaaaahhhhh man....that was the good-good. As long as you had your Goobers pb & j, all was right in the world.

These songs told me that the "b" word had five letter, the "f" word had four, and the consequence for saying either involved NO LETTERS. Being a kid was the biz-bomb-diggity. The ish, my friend. The stayin-up-late-on-friday-night-because-it-was-the-weekend-only-to-wake-up-extra-early-on-saturday-to-watch-THE-MON-CHI-CHI'S-ish. I clearly remember watching after school specials, "one to grow on's", and The Electric Company.

Heeeeeyyy Yooooouuuu Guuuyyyyyysssssss! Guess what? We're not kids anymore. The "f" word now has eleven letters. FORECLOSURE. The "b" word has six. BUDGET. And one begets the other to remind us with a swift kick to our checkbooks that we have grown up. If you're like most parents today, Toy's R' Us isn't even an option. Not because it's a cesspool of germs, and evidence of failed birth control gone wild, but because Target has the same toy for $5.00 less. And that $5.00 equates to one box of Up & Up unscented baby wipes. Three packs in the box and you're set until the next pay period rolls around. Many of us have traded in our Jem dolls for discounted gym memberships, and if we're lucky, like Jem, we have managed to steer clear of The Misfits. If we're REALLY lucky, we have our own personal Rio, and Synergy has been replaced by our wise, all knowing, and always annoyingly right mothers.

This is the new childhood. Our playgrounds are outlet malls, our superhero's are financial experts on the Today show teaching us how to get out of debt in one year or less, without giving up our monthly waxing appointment (quit frontin' - you know you get SOMETHING waxed. And if you don't, you probably should), and our Goober's PB & J in a jar is Activia - because Jamie Lee Curtis says we need to be regular.

Our 9 year old professed to me that she NEVER wants to grow up. She wants to stay a kid FOREEEEEEEVEEEEEERRRRRRR. To her, being a kid is the.best.thing.on.earth.ever. Seriously. Ever. And as I listen to her breakdown the character profiles on iCarly, and explain to me why Carly lives with her brother and not her parents (because her dad is on a submarine 10,000 leagues under the sea - DUH!), I find myself thinking that she really needs to take off her "school clothes" and put on her "play clothes" because we don't have money to keep buying Costco sized bottles of detergent to do just HER laundry. And lost in my own adult mental playground, I totally miss why Gibby is stuck in Carly's chimney. But our 9 year old kiddo is laughing hysterically. And rolling on the floor in her school clothes. Because really, she's a kid. And that's all she wants to be.

Me too.