Mommy Porn

Soooo...I've often wondered about the genetic "make-up" differences between men and women. There are things that they (men) will do, that women (or at least THIS woman) wouldn't ever dream of doing. Like smashing beer cans against their foreheads, convincing their friends to "take one for the team", so they can talk to the pretty girl...I would NEVER do that. My girlfriends would look at me like I was high on crack and probably disown me...for a very.long.time.

However, there are things that WE can do that I think many men either a: can't do, or b: won't do. The main, and most glaring thing that comes to mind is MUTLITASKING.

I don't know many guys out there who are capable of doing more than ONE thing at a time. However I know HUNDREDS of mom's out there who in two hours time can: make all the beds in the house, clean the kitchen AND bathroom, fold all the laundry and put in respective bedrooms, WHILE starting another load, prep dinner for the evening, AND reorganize the playroom. Now, if you give that same to do list to a guy, and left the house to run errands for two hours, how much do you think would get done? I am going to go with.....TWO ITEMS. I am being nice and giving them the benefit of the doubt that they could prep dinner AND do the dishes because it's all in the same general area. But really, I don't see much else happening.

And when you come in all breezy and light because you managed to escape the zoo for two hours of loveliness, you look around, look at him, look around one more time for validity's sake, and then look back at him. And what do ya get? The look. The "deer in headlights" look. The "what did I do" look. The "oh shit she's pissed" look. And when you ask what got done while you were gone, in your sacchrine-y sweet, non accusatory voice, you get "well I did the dishes, and I prepped dinner like you asked, and I was just about to....blah blah blah". By this time you've probably tuned him out because you've already started the 5 other things on the list. And he will watch you work. And he will watch football. And he will be quiet. Because he knows...and you know...there will be no nookie tonight.

But honestly, don't you think our guys would get it by now? Male domesticity is SEXY! There's a reason the PORN FOR NEW MOMS book is as popular as it is. Helping mama out at home means we will most likely help you out in the bedroom. Know why? Because we're not dead-ass tired from picking up EVERYTHING through out the day. Dishes after dinner = Dirty Diana after the kids go down. Little laundry = little licky licky. LOTS O' LAUNDRY = LOTS O' LICKY LICKY. And so on and so forth.....

So ladies...maybe run that by your guy....maybe he'll get busy so he can GET BUSY.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have 800 more things to do on my to do list. That includes buying new AA batteries.


*Note from the author: For my uber sensitive guys out there who may take offense to this, please notice I did not say ALL guys are incapable of multitasking. I know a handful that definitely are. And let me just say, they are very happy gentleman. But if you DID get offended, maybe that's a sign that you need to put ON the yellow rubber gloves more often. Do that and your little lady may take something OFF for you. Imjussayin'.*